If I was able to tell my younger self just one thing it would be,
Just Be You
Jan 20, 2021
Just be YOU
Be YOU, stop trying to fit in, trying to be ‘normal’ or trying to be accepted. Just be totally and apologetically YOU.
You will meet people in life who will talk about you, judge you and simply don’t like you and that is OK – accept that and get on with your life. Don’t spend the energy trying to make everyone like you or accept you.
I have spent a lot of my time in the past trying to impress people, trying to change who I am in order for people to like me and looking back now it is such a great shame. I have two younger sisters who are both still at that impressionable stage, especially my youngest one, where what people think of you matters a great deal. In my eyes they are both two of the most amazing people you could ever be lucky enough to meet – they truly are incredibly inspiring young women.
However people have tried to tear them down at stages and just like me a few years ago, they listened. They allowed people’s judgement take value in their life and they doubted their own special uniqueness. I went through a dark stage in my early 20’s where I let people’s opinions of me and the gossip they were spreading truly consume me. I knew their opinion of me and what they were saying was not true but I let them get to me, I let them make me doubt myself and who I was. I didn’t even know these people personally and they were definitely not in my golden circle (family and close friends) but yet I cared so much about their opinion of me.
Like most people I have had also had people tell me I am ‘full of myself’ I have had guys tell me that I am ‘intimidating’ and it has massively knocked my confidence over the years. I definitely ‘dulled my sparkle’ over the years in order to fit in with people who really didn’t deserve my time. I have been scared at times to speak up and go against the common belief of society. I have felt pressured to do things I didn’t want to do in order to be ‘normal’ in friendship groups. Most annoyingly I have tried to hide my uniqueness, my intelligence, my determination while dating guys just so that they wouldn’t be intimated by a strong ass female!
What a great sadness it is to dull your own sparkle just so people who really don’t matter to you might like you.
It wasn’t until I started to love myself and really like who I am as a person that I started to be ‘free’ in my own life. No longer do I give space in my mind for people’s opinion of me. I have learnt to ignore people when they point out my flaws or try and tear me down.
You see I already know I am flawed, I already know I will fail and mess up countless times throughout my life and that is ok – that’s what makes me ME. I truly do love myself now and recognise how special and amazing I am and that brings me great happiness. I don’t have a perfect body – I have cellulite, annoying back fat that hangs under my bra, scars, FLAWS and that’s ok, they all make me who I am and I love my body just the way it is – strong and healthy! I am not the perfect friend, daughter or sister, I have messed up many times over the years and let down my loved ones but that is ok, I’m still loved by the special people in my life for just the way I am – I try damn hard every day to be the best person I can be. I do not have a perfect life – I have days where I mess things up in work, things don’t work out as planned and life throws some awful hard challenges my way. But that is ok, I have faith I am on the right path. Life is a journey, not a destination.
I still have days where I get scared or encounter negative people but I now have complete and utter faith in myself. For one thing I know for sure is that there is no one else like me and that is simply amazing.
Not one other person experiences the same day as me, has the same thoughts as me or develops the same knowledge as me. That makes me truly special – just as it does for you. So why would I waste another second of my life trying to change myself to fit in to ‘normality’ – I don’t want to be ‘normal’. I don’t want a normal life – what even is normal??
What does normal even look like?? Who decided what normal is?? What made that person the chosen one to decide what normal is and who is going to be cast aside because they don’t fit that image?? Where is the ‘normal’ guide book?? Why do we try to live our life to a standard that no one even knows what that ‘normal’ should be??
Why do I have to have a 9-5 job?
Why can’t I be more flexible with my working hours?
Why can’t people leave a bit earlier to go pick their kids up without being ridiculed?
Why do I have to find a partner right now? Why can’t I have an adventure all by myself? Why can’t I be totally proud of being ‘single’ and completely happy being happy on my own??
Why do I need to ‘mind my manners’ and not speak out of turn?
Why do I need to buy a house?? Why is that a ‘normal’ life goal?? Why does the quality of your life achievements be judged on your relationship status and the size of house you bought??
Why do I need to work hard all year just to have 23 ‘holidays’??
Why do I have to be a serious adult?? I’m not done being a child yet thank you very much
Why do we have to be so serious about having our life figured out?? I have no idea where I will be in 5 years and that excites me. Some days brushing my hair is a big achievement, why do we have to have it all figured out so young??
Why do I have to look like a ‘normal’ woman? I want to be a strong ass female in the gym throwing crazy weight about, if you don’t that’s good, but who decided women can’t have muscle??
Why can’t I put up a picture in a sports bra without men deeming it ‘sexy’ and sliding into my DMs with creepy messages?? Why when a woman takes pride in her body she is deemed in a provocative way? It’s her body – let her do whatever she likes with it!
Why can’t women sleep with someone without being slut shamed?? Why does the guy get away with it? Why Does a guy get praised by society as a Bachelor, a ladies man while a woman gets labelled a slut or ‘on the shelf’, a spinster?
Why can’t I be proud of being smart? Why does an image of a smart woman get deemed bossy or a know it all or boring! Why do people who go out drinking every weekend getting absolutely drunk (again your choice) get deemed as fun loving and someone who wants to broaden their mind with a book or go see some culture get labelled boring??
I want to still be childish, I want to still play in the garden with my sisters, laughing and joking– so what if I’m 27?!
I want to be able to stand up and give my opinion even when no one else agrees.
I want to push my body in the gym even if some guys find it intimidating – it’s my body and I’m damn proud of it
I want to do crazy stupid things with my friends that we will be laughing about in the nursing home when we are old and grey. I want to be that person dancing like no one is watching with my best friends surrounding me – that is one of life’s greatest pleasures, pure honest fun with amazing friends.
I want to call my daddy when everything is going wrong just for him to tell me it’s going to be ok – I don’t care if people think I don’t have my shit together, I’m still figuring it out. My daddy will always be my hero, even when I’m old and grey
I want to be a total boss among men in work even if they think I’m ‘bossy’ – I will never let anyone dull my confidence.
I want to do it all, I want to squeeze every last drop out of life and I want to do it on my own terms.
I want to be ME.
You see life is incredibly short, we really don’t know how long our journey here is. There will always be people who smile when you fall, and that’s fine, I will just smile even harder when I stand back up again. There will always be people who talk about you, let them talk, be too damn focused on your own happiness to even hear them. Seek out the people who make you shine and get rid of those who don’t. Be true to who you are and never shy away from what your inner self is telling you.
Be proud of who you are and your journey, it makes you YOU.
Make sure your sparkle is as bright as it can be – never dull it for anyone or anything! Dance in your own craziness and embrace what makes you truly YOU.
Your life is yours, don’t let anyone tell you how to live it!