Most girls run away from the 'single' title, shy away from being 'alone'. In the society we live in where everyone flaunts their picture perfect relationship on social media we can often be left asking ourselves, 'what is wrong with me?' 'why am i alone?' Being single is often viewed as something that should be very temporary and if you are single then you should be on every dating app going looking for that special someone.
Something every Female should read
Jan 20, 2021
Why do we put such pressure on women to look for someone to 'complete' them when they don't even know who they are? Why don't they focus on completing themselves?
I was the opposite, i fully embraced being single for years and i am so incredibly happy i did. I discovered who i was, I learnt to love me, I learnt how to be happy by myself and created my own adventures.
All through life we are continually asked 'hows the love life?', 'any men on the go?' - why??
why does our self worth have to be valued on our relationship status? Why can't I just be 100% on my own, create my own journey and go out in the world and truly live my life through my own eyes
I am not against love or relationships in the slightest, I want to find that special person to spend my life with and share my journey with. However, i am very happy i chose to be completely and happily single since coming out of a relationship in my early twenties.
The time we get to be single should be treasured and embraced. We should encourage young girls to live their lifes, be selfish with their time, go and explore the world, learn to love themselves and to fully enjoy their single years.
I'm not here to talk about exes but i sort of lost myself during one particular long relationship. I lost my identity and became known as the girlfriend. We only get to be young once and I chose to go out and experience it by myself. At the start it was strange and sort of lonely but i was determined to find my sparkle again, to stand on my own two feet and be a strong independent female.
Fast forward 4 years and here I am - happily me. I finally know who Laura Lambe is and what I am all about. I feel comfortable within myself and I am happy within myself. I don't require a relationship to give my life purpose or meaning. I have moved countries by myself, attended weddings by myself, attended family gatherings by myself, done solo adventures by myself and at the start, yes, it was daunting but over time i was completely at ease in my own company.
Now i am not saying a relationship shouldnt give you purpose. However, i want someone to enhance my happiness, not be the only reason i am happy.
I have friends who have found their special someone and I am incredibly happy for them. Those guys truly are amazing and I couldnt imagine my life without them never mind theirs. That is great for my friends and i am not taking a single thing away from that.
But i chose to be single. I chose not to chase men. I chose to do my own thing rather than be on dating apps searching for a date at the weekend.
I chose to throw myself into new things like fitness, new challenges, moving to London.
I had big goals and didnt want any guy to hold me back. Is that the right way to look at? I'm not sure but I'm sure that i'm glad i did. My dad has always said to me 'don't get caught up chasing your dreams that you forget to find someone to share it all with'. I do understand where he was coming from but to me my dreams were incredibly important. One of my dreams was to be completely happy as ME. Laura Lambe - not Laura and X.
Could I have got to where I am now being in a relationship? I'm not sure, maybe with the right guy but definitely not with any of the ones i dated. I, like many other women, have wasted too much time on men that simply didn't deserve it. Gosh, looking back on my dating life now makes me cringe and laugh. They were all experiences that led me to where I am now. I suppose you need to kiss a few frogs to find out what you really want.
I have dulled my sparkle for guys in the past - something that frustrates me incredibly. However i sometimes think that is unavoidable. You meet a guy, everything seems good and you get caught up in the new world of couple activities. I was with one particular guy for way too long compared to what value he brought to my life. He made me feel like my dreams were too big and he definitely wasnt supportive of them. It is ok to 'waste' time on guys but it is not ok to settle. I would rather be on my own forever than settle for someone just to be in a relationship.
Yes, it is sometimes scary to break a relationship off, get out of your comfort/safe zone and go back into the world by yourself but it shows incredible strength. You see, I know my self worth know and although sometimes i have got caught up with guys and the lust at the beginning of a relationship I have been able to knock myself out of it and happily walk away.
Being single allowed me to focus on me. This is something i encourage my sisters and my single friends to do. Go out and find you. What makes you tick? What makes you laugh? What do you want to do? Go do it! You have the rest of your life to spend with that special someone, embrace being a young single free woman and go create your own life story.
I have been on countless dates over the years but my standards are pretty high now. Am i picky? Hell yes. I am not picky in the sense of having a check list of superficial things like height, hair colour, eye colour etc. However, how i value myself is a lot different now to when i was a teenager. I know my worth, i know my mind and i won't settle for anything less than what i know i am entitled too.
It truly saddens me to see girls settle. Settle in relationships that they know are not right for them but they are afraid of being on their own. Afraid of that word 'single' like it is something to be ashamed of.
Being single is something you should be proud of. It shows you are value yourself, it shows you won't settle for any old guy, it shows you are confident to go out in the world independently and see what it is all about.
I would like to close this blog with my all time favourite quote:
'What if i fall?
Oh darling, what if you fly'
Find your sparkle girls, don't let a man take it from you and don't rely on a man to make you sparkle.
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